I Burned Out Twice. The Second Time, It Happened Faster.
Because my body remembered.
If you feel exhausted, disconnected, constantly on edge…
this might be your story too.
The beginning: when passion slowly turns into pressure
I was 30 when my first burnout happened.
At that point, I had already spent 6 years in the same startup.
I was the first employee.
I started as an apprentice in Paris (a work-study program combining school and a job),
then moved to Barcelona through a VIE (a program allowing young professionals to work abroad).
After that, I accepted a full-time contract in Spain.
At the beginning, it was exciting.
We were young. Everything felt possible.
But slowly, things started to shift.
The invisible overload
With time, the responsibilities kept increasing.
But the support never came.
No training.
No structure.
No real management.
I had to learn everything by myself.
And learning through mistakes is exhausting, especially when your value depends on your performance.
At the same time, the company prioritized interns over experienced hires. 
And because I was the only one who truly understood the processes,
everyone came to me.
All day long.
Questions. Interruptions. Problems to solve.
My brain was constantly overloaded.
When your job becomes your identity
For 6 years, my job wasn’t just a job.
It was my identity.
I went from being a student…
to being an employee.
I never had time to just exist as myself.
The slow collapse
Little by little, I started isolating myself.
I stopped answering messages.
I avoided calls.
I ate alone at my desk.
On weekends, I stayed in bed, watching Netflix. 
Too exhausted to live.
I started smoking more weed.
It was the only way to calm my mind.
Without it, I would wake up at night, sweating,
terrified that I had made a mistake.
No manager. No support. Just pressure.
For 6 years, I had no manager.
“Because they trusted me.”
But the truth is… I didn’t trust myself.
I lived with imposter syndrome the entire time.
And I had no one to talk to.
The first crash
After 6 years of pushing through, I broke.
I had just taken 3 weeks off and went back to Romania.
Something felt wrong.
I had lost weight — I was down to 45kg for 173cm.
I was constantly agitated.
Then I came back to Barcelona.
Monday morning. Ready to go to work.
I leaned on the kitchen counter…
and my body just stopped.
I couldn’t move.
I started crying uncontrollably.
Shaking. Completely overwhelmed.
I had no idea what was happening to me.
Because at work, they used to say:
burnout doesn’t exist.
When everything shuts down
I called HR, crying.
I said everything. I couldn’t do it anymore.
For a month, I couldn’t leave my apartment. 
Too much noise.
Too much light.
Too much stimulation.
My system was completely overloaded.
The unexpected support
Eventually, I got a medical leave.
I stayed home for 3 months.
What saved me was a woman from HR — someone I had known from the early days.
She supported me.
She helped me relocate to Paris for a while.
She created a new position for me.
She stood by me.
And that changed everything.
The illusion of recovery
After 3 months, I went back to work and little by little my anxiety went away.
And for 3 years, things were actually good.
We had a stable team.
Managers started coming in.
I wasn’t alone anymore.
I learned to step back.
To give 70% instead of 100%.
To delegate.
Life felt lighter.
And then… it started again
Financial issues hit the company.
People started leaving.
Interns came back.
I lost my team.
My manager left.
I felt it coming.
But I couldn’t stop.
The second burnout
After 9 years, I decided to leave.
That moment should have felt like relief.
Instead… it broke me.
The reaction I received was cold. 
Dismissive.
Completely lacking recognition.
It shocked me.
On my way home, I started crying.
And I didn’t stop.
For hours.
Alone in my apartment.
Then came the panic attacks.
My body locked.
My fingers froze.
I was shaking uncontrollably.
This time, it was faster
I saw a doctor the next day.
2 months of sick leave.
Then I got fired.
It’s been 7 months now
Recovery is harder this time.
Slower.
Not linear.
But for the first time in my life…
I’m just me.
Learning to exist again 
I’m rediscovering what it means to live.
- Moving my body gently
- Learning about anti-inflammatory nutrition
- Creating things with my hands
- Taking care of a body I ignored for years
I spent so long working for someone else’s dream…
That I forgot my own.
What I didn’t see (but should have)
Looking back, the signs were there:
- Constant interruptions = cognitive overload
- No manager = hidden stress
- Work = identity
- Isolation = early warning sign
- Weekend exhaustion = not normal
The truth about burnout
Burnout doesn’t happen overnight.
But if it happens once…
The second time can hit faster.
Because your body remembers.
Why I created this space
This blog isn’t just content.
It’s part of my healing.
I want to speak to the people who feel like they’re breaking…
or already have.
I want to share what actually helps.
If this is you
You’re not alone.
And if no one around you understands…
I will.
Final note
There’s a quote that stayed with me:
“The healer heals first, then comes with the cure.”
I’m still healing.
But I’m bringing you with me.